A nation of bullies

   A couple of weeks ago, I saw something on YouTube that truly disturbed me. The video, titled "Making the bus monitor cry," showed a group of seventh-graders in Rochester, N.Y., verbally attacking the 68-year-old bus monitor on the last day of school.   What I saw went well beyond simple harassment or bullying. This group of kids called her fat. They called her poor, suggesting that she got her purse out of a Dumpster. They poked and prodded her. One bully even suggested that her children should kill themselves because she was so disgusting. This to a woman who had already lost one child to suicide. The whole thing made me angry. It made me sick.
   In response to the attack, a couple of the bullies have since written letters of apology. One parent apologized in person for his child's awful behavior. And thousands of Americans have donated money to help the bus monitor retire, or take a dream vacation. At last count, more than $650,000 had been raised. While these are nice gestures, I believe the incident raises some serious questions about what kind of nation we are becoming. Are we becoming a nation of bullies?
   I admit it. I was bullied as a kid. Being a kid with a disability (I have cerebral palsy), and being someone who always cared more about academics than partying or going out, I suppose it was inevitable. It was hard to endure the insults and the teasing. It was difficult to ignore the taunts and the attempts to lure me into fights. I felt powerless to stop it, and many afternoons I went home crying. But you know what? As bad as it was, I NEVER had someone threaten to stab me. I NEVER had anyone suggest that my parents should kill themselves because I was so disgusting. What happened to that bus monitor was borderline criminal. It went well beyond what can reasonably considered normal, even for immature seventh-graders.
   So what should we do about it? What should we do to make sure this never happens again? What should we do to ensure we aren't raising a generation of sociopaths?
   The first thing I would do is teach this, and future, generations that every action has a consequence. In this case, I would  make each of the bullies face the consequences of his actions head-on. It's nice that a couple of the kids wrote letters of apology. It's nice that one parent saw fit to apologize for his child's behavior. But it's not enough. Letters and third-party apologies allow the bullies to remain detached from the consequences of their actions. So have each child meet with the bus monitor alone. Have him apologize to her personally and offer an explanation for his behavior. Have him listen to his victim explain the impact his taunts had on her. And if she asks for any kind of restitution, make him give it, no questions asked.
      The second thing I would do is limit children's exposure to TV, movies,video games and the Internet. There have been studies for years that have shown consistently that exposing children to too much violence too early desensitizes them to that violence and makes them less compassionate. This incident would seem to bear that out. I'm not saying that children should be banned from these things altogether. But parents, at the very least, should pay close attention to the ratings on the TV shows and movies they allow their children to see and on the video games they buy for them. They should install Net Nanny software on every computer in the house and check browsing histories often. In short, parents need to be parents. Set limits on what is acceptable in your house, then stick to it.
As for what the school system should do, I believe the bullies should be suspended for a lengthy sentence at the beginning of the next school year, perhaps even expelled. School systems across the nation should have a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to bullying, and these boys need to be made an example of.
     The sad truth is, it's probably too late for these boys to learn the compassion and the respect for others they so clearly lack. Those are lessons that should have been taught at their parents' knee from the time they could talk. The good news is, it's not too late to return to teaching those values. This video clearly shows what happens when we abandon them. The question is, are we smart enough to learn that lesson?